LOVE Island: The cash cow that never stops giving.
Giving, that is, a bad name to feminism. Gas lighters a platform.
And a group of twenty-somethings, botoxed, drunk six, over-sexed, 15 minutes of rotting, grueling fame.
In short, she’s a tired, battery-raised old cow being milked dry by her extremely hypocritical owners, ITV.
Because, despite all the hype, this summer’s Love Island isn’t all soft and fluffy.
It’s not “awakened”. And it’s definitely not in line with the #BeKind line.
Yet, with grossing around £80m per series, why would ITV2 slaughter its juiciest cattle?
Nearly four million of us are watching, and Love Island has racked up over 100 million streams in less than a month.
Last night’s show saw the contestants play a brain game called ‘Suck And Blow’.
The past few weeks have seen #misogyny and #sexism trending on Twitter, while last week “RIP feminism” made the rounds.
Naturally, many of the most appalled are those who have Ukrainian flags, love hearts, or rainbow emoticons in their bios.
And they are still watching. The hypocrisy is completely lost.
This series, the eighth, is the most-watched since 2019 – back when brilliant former host Caroline Flack ran things.
A woman who tragically took her own life ahead of a very public court case and after ITV felt pressure to let her go.
Of course, Caroline’s legacy inspired the #BeKind movement.
Yet this year’s series saw men reduced to tears, mentally frail contestants quitting, women twerking, and the usual, interminable, tongue smooching.
The women have been “shamed sluts” and the contestants have made death threats online. Attractive.
While the ITV2 show claims to be about finding love, the mating rituals displayed are more soft-porn-meets-Planet-Earth than a good bottle of wine and a DVD.
Take the annual “heart rate challenge”.
This year’s episode saw industrial quantities of baby oil on display as wannabes had fun like Theresa May in speed.
Making the Suffragettes proud, Tasha dressed up as Barbie while Paige transformed into Pamela Anderson as she crushed Dami.
More worryingly, there were accusations of racism when viewers were tasked with pairing contestants for the first time.
The result was that all four black prospects were reunited.
Like orb spiders eating their own, viewers turned on each other and accused the show’s new development of “segregating” couples.
Fans last week accused executives of turning a blind eye to Jacques O’Neill’s mental health issues after he was shown sobbing on air.
Speaking to The Sun on Sunday, Jacques – who suffers from ADHD – claimed he was broken by the show, but the producers begged him to continue.
He left the Majorcan House of Horrors following a breakup with love rival Adam Collard – a Love Island graduate criticized by Women’s Aid for ‘gaslighting’ his 2018 partner. And brought back to shake things up by shameless executives.
Between June 2018 and March 2019, former contestants Sophie Gradon, 32, and Mike Thalassitis, 26, both took their own lives.
Gradon’s boyfriend Aaron Armstrong, 25, committed suicide three weeks after her death.
Since then, ITV has pledged to do more to help aspirants cope with stardom.
Psychological assessments are now mandatory, and contestants receive extensive post-show support and therapy.
ITV had made it known that Tasha Ghouri, 23, was the show’s first deaf contestant and had given up on fast fashion.
But for an organization that proudly marched at this month’s London Pride event, Love Island still has, oddly, not included any LGBTQ+ hopefuls.
But why change a winning formula, huh guys?
FINALLY, Hollywood seems to be catching up.
Last week I enjoyed Sandra Bullock’s latest adventure, The Lost City, in which she stars alongside Adonis Channing Tatum and Brad Pitt.
In it, the ever-hot Sandra, who is 57, is loved by both men and – spoiler alert – reunites with Channing, a whippersnapper at 42.
After decades of old men dating barely pubescent starlets, it’s good to see Tinsel-town waking up to the fact that women over 50 can also be desirable.
Jen, not yet
“NEVER go there again”, they say.
And they are right.
Two decades later, Jennifer Affleck, née Lopez, made the cardinal couple sin — not just reverting to ex Ben, but marrying him.
I hope I’m wrong, but I give it five years.
Writing from personal experience, relationships NEVER survive a second pass.
After the first few months of reconciling and behaving happily, you will eventually remember precisely why you broke up with the rabid narcissist / procrastinator / snorer / sociopath in the first place.
Don’t. Do. This.
NOW is a website I can get on board with.
Only the flans, with an “l”, offer pastry lovers a daily selection of fluffy, fluffy treats.
Give me that about Kerry Katona with her hands in her pants all day.
Go girls !
TOMORROW night, the mighty Lionesses of England will face Spain in the quarter-finals of the Euros.
Has a national team ever played in more unfortunate circumstances?
The day after their opener, Boris Johnson quit, and since then they have been playing – fantastically – amid surging political chaos, a headline-grabbing heat wave and mercurial madness. of Putin.
The BBC has done its best to grow this talented team, and kudos to its crack team of broadcasters, including (the unfazed) Gaby Logan, Alex Scott, Ian Wright and Jo Currie.
But there’s not a lot of politics and sunshine you can handle.
Now is the time to really get behind the girls.
SIR Mo Farah has revealed he’s been hiding the truth about his life for decades – and even his name isn’t real.
It was a brave decision and it was widely supported.
Presumably, however, his 2013 autobiography, Twin Ambitions, can now be found in the Fiction section of Waterstones.
CALLING all insomniacs! Forget Zopiclone. Give up meditation. Don’t bother with bubble bath.
And feel free to run your appliances all night
Because Don McLean has the answer. The American Pie singer explains, “Around 2 a.m., I’m going to wake up for three hours, watch a movie, make an egg dish. . . and pour me some champagne.
So it’s the dreaded dawn chorus of tomorrow sorted.
Sucks to be Henry
“A VICAR was caught pushing in a Henry vacuum cleaner while wearing nothing but a pair of women’s stockings.”
What. A sentence.
And one that made the headlines last week.
The article continued: “John Jeffs was spotted pushing bare cheeks into the suction nozzle of the happy-faced vacuum cleaner by a shocked devotee.”
John, who had energetically prepared to give a lecture on Asperger’s Syndrome, was found guilty of indecent exposure, fined and ordered to sign the sex offender register.
[To be clear, his complainant was the horrified church-goer, not poor Henry].
So if you think you are having a bad day. . . things could be worse.
Fun put on ice
CONFUSING times for Mr. Whippy’s suppliers.
While the men (and women) handing out cones by the bucket this summer must love a laid-back climate change spot, they’re still losing business.
Festivals, fairgrounds and seaside patrons are ordering them to reduce their carbon emissions – and turn their diesel engines into electric ones.
Which is great, but the green move can cost around £15,000 per person.
As a result, Mr Whippy’s vans can now often only serve scoops of ice cream or lollipops, causing business to melt.
The Fun Police have struck again.
Heat wave alert
MEANWHILE, women have been warned not to put popsicles in their vaginas during the heat wave.
British doctor Eleanor Draeger, a sexual health consultant, helpfully took to Twitter to remind us women not to self-regulate with a Calippo.
God. Won’t the Nanny State let us do anything?