A criminal defense attorney from the freest country in the world has suggested we stop using the self-checkout machines because we might “accidentally” steal something. You just can’t make this shit up. Man, I like a good TikTok rabbit hole.

Carrie Jernigan from the US state of Arkansas was spitting nothing but facts and flames when she pressed the record button on this pearl of a download.

@carriejernigan1

Reply to @afamily20202 I have no idea why it cut off

♬ original sound – AVOCADO CARRIE

In Jernigan’s list of three groups of people who get arrested for self-checkout theft, the first is the “yeah lol I didn’t mean to steal” group. This one is pretty self-explanatory, so we’ll go over it.

The second is the “fuck my life, I rightfully forgot” group AKA the “theft by mistake” group.

Here, Jernigan takes the example of a DVD (???) slipping under the purse of a customer who is then arrested by a security guard.

I’m sorry but if you’re so trapped in 2003 that you’re still buying DVDs, I highly doubt you’ll be enough in 2022 to also be the type of person on #LegalTok but who knows? Crossings of foreigners took place.

The third and final group is called the “really innocent” group. According to Jernigan, these people get arrested when inventory runs out and stores go through their security footage to find which of their thieving customers stole the missing goods.

It should be noted that the main store that Jernigan refers to in the video is the US store Walmart. Therefore, I doubt that Coles, Woolies, Kmart, etc. would go so far to find out who swapped the avocados for potatoes. But again, strange things happened.

In other borked TikTok news of the week, a Melbourne woman roasted a viral TikTok that turned her into a gory story without her consent.

Plus News Corp has apparently apologized to the host of the TikTok 10 quiz Miles Glaspole to notch his questions q. It’s a spicy meatball!

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Image: TikTok via Carrie Jernigan & The Simpsons YouTube